I am sitting here in my in laws living room watching my little man play with what I can safely say is WAY too many toys. He arrived here in the great white North and so did a whole Toys R Us in the living room. He is spoiled rotten. But I honestly can't blame them, they don't get a chance to buy him stuff daily so when we see each other he gets a big dump of them. We leave for back home tomorrow and the car has doubled in volume with all of his toys. Mental note: declare all these toys at the border tomorrow - I have made that mistake before and suffered as a result.
I think I have gained 10 pounds at least coming to visit. I used to try hard and eat healthy here, but I have learned now just take the hit and make up for it later. My mom and hubby's mom likes to make childhood favorites and goodies there is no point in fighting. The worst is the ride home, since we travel through the states we can't bring anything with us, so we have to buy everything on the road. So I get to look forward to a diet of McDonalds and cookies tomorrow. Talk about ending on a high note.
Ah, eating on vacation - never good for you but what can you do but enjoy it. Mmmm....I smell some cookies, must be time for lunch.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Heading up North
Here we go...our last trip up to the great white North to visit the grandfolks one last time this year. Normally the trip stresses me out. I mean all the packing, traveling and cleaning the house before leaving is annoying...and when we get there it is usually so busy with trying to squeeze in WAY too many visits. Yes, it is a big stress, but it`s usually fun too - there are always moments of drama but that`s what happens when you gather together your family. This time I am feeling a little different, don`t get me wrong there is still a bit of stress but it will probably be the last time we visit for a little while, so I am a bit more pensive.
I was concerned that the little man wouldn`t see his grandparents very much in his first year of life, but I think we did really well. We went up about 3 times this year and everyone else mustered up a couple of visits here. I think he has seen my sister the most probably because she is the closest in kilometers, but he has seen pretty much everyone else in equal parts. All and all I am pretty impressed, I don`t know if this will keep up but it`s off to a good start.
I am hoping this trip is a good one to end on. And more importantly I hope the cat doesn`t try to kill her kitty sitter while we are gone. That reminds me, I should go cut her nails...
I was concerned that the little man wouldn`t see his grandparents very much in his first year of life, but I think we did really well. We went up about 3 times this year and everyone else mustered up a couple of visits here. I think he has seen my sister the most probably because she is the closest in kilometers, but he has seen pretty much everyone else in equal parts. All and all I am pretty impressed, I don`t know if this will keep up but it`s off to a good start.
I am hoping this trip is a good one to end on. And more importantly I hope the cat doesn`t try to kill her kitty sitter while we are gone. That reminds me, I should go cut her nails...
Monday, October 17, 2011
So tired
Today is technically the first day of our two week overlap. Hubby and I get some time with the little man. I think it will be nice, if we ever get a day to ourselves! We have the two weeks full of things to get done while there is two people home plus an incredibly long weekend to visit the family up North.
I have to be honest, it's only Monday and I am exhausted. So much running around, errands and things that I barely got a run in - okay it wasn't a run it was barely a walk - I am tired, okay? That got me thinking, I am going to be exhausted when I go back to work and even more when the little man starts daycare. I fear when he has to go to daycare. I know people do it, but I can't help but wonder how!?? How do you prep everything, get him off to daycare, go to work and be somewhat productive, come home with him and take care of him, and MAYBE occasionally get some exercise? HOW DO I DO THIS????!!! I thought I had long days before, I think my days are going to double in size if they haven't already.
I know, we will survive...but right now I am so tired I will let future Danielle worry about that. She's going to hate me...
I have to be honest, it's only Monday and I am exhausted. So much running around, errands and things that I barely got a run in - okay it wasn't a run it was barely a walk - I am tired, okay? That got me thinking, I am going to be exhausted when I go back to work and even more when the little man starts daycare. I fear when he has to go to daycare. I know people do it, but I can't help but wonder how!?? How do you prep everything, get him off to daycare, go to work and be somewhat productive, come home with him and take care of him, and MAYBE occasionally get some exercise? HOW DO I DO THIS????!!! I thought I had long days before, I think my days are going to double in size if they haven't already.
I know, we will survive...but right now I am so tired I will let future Danielle worry about that. She's going to hate me...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Lost Friends
At a recent lunch with a great friend it came to light that I have seemed to have lost a few friends. Not because I am mean...well I am...but that's not why I lost those friends, it's because I had a baby.
At first I was mad, I thought just because I popped a human being out my...well you know where, doesn't make me a different person; but then I thought yeah, it sort of does. I am a different person. I am someone who I like a lot right now and I don't think I have felt that way in a long time. People evolve in different ways in life, so it is natural for me to have lost some friends.
One of the main reason that I lost some people is that I am no longer a closet home body. I like being at home. I would rather play a fun board game at home then go out drinking/dancing. Don't get me wrong I love to dance, but I am really not interested in going "out" every weekend; and now I have no problem saying this out loud. I am not ashamed of it, I love it! If I could wear my jammies 24 hours a day 7 days a week I think I would.
Ummm..I digress (big shocker!). Yes I have lost some friends - they may stay lost forever or we may reunite some day. I may have lost some friends but I am not sad. I have some amazing people in my life who are better than friends - they are like family, so I really can't complain. Sure I wish I could stay really close with everyone, but life doesn't work that way. Some people just make little footprints in our lives. Don't get me wrong, I love these friends dearly but I have to be realistic, having a baby changes you and not everyone is ready for that change.
At first I was mad, I thought just because I popped a human being out my...well you know where, doesn't make me a different person; but then I thought yeah, it sort of does. I am a different person. I am someone who I like a lot right now and I don't think I have felt that way in a long time. People evolve in different ways in life, so it is natural for me to have lost some friends.
One of the main reason that I lost some people is that I am no longer a closet home body. I like being at home. I would rather play a fun board game at home then go out drinking/dancing. Don't get me wrong I love to dance, but I am really not interested in going "out" every weekend; and now I have no problem saying this out loud. I am not ashamed of it, I love it! If I could wear my jammies 24 hours a day 7 days a week I think I would.
Ummm..I digress (big shocker!). Yes I have lost some friends - they may stay lost forever or we may reunite some day. I may have lost some friends but I am not sad. I have some amazing people in my life who are better than friends - they are like family, so I really can't complain. Sure I wish I could stay really close with everyone, but life doesn't work that way. Some people just make little footprints in our lives. Don't get me wrong, I love these friends dearly but I have to be realistic, having a baby changes you and not everyone is ready for that change.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Last Day of Work..
..sort of.
First of all apologies for my lack of blogging. I am lazy - that is all I have to say about that.
Second, today is my last day of just me and the baby; who is starting to resemble a toddler more than a baby now. Sigh. I can't believe it has been a year since I have been at work. I had a horrible pregnancy and ended up leaving a month early to try to stay alive. That, plus vacation has allowed the hubby his taste at a parental leave now. Today is his last day of work and my last day with baby alone. As of tomorrow we team up for 2 weeks and then after that I am back at work. Sometimes when I think about that, I picture a 2 year old Danielle kicking and screaming "I don't wanna go" as my mother drags me out of the store. This is exactly how I feel. I don't want to go...
Sigh. But I have to, I am still holding out for that elusive 25 hours a week job, but until then I have to work and I am actually very lucky to be working. I know many who are without jobs, so I must be thankful. So instead of whining (one of my best skills) I am going to reflect on this year.
I started out on a sick leave for a month before baby was born. I had an awful pregnancy and the end was torture. I spent most of November trying to unsuccessfully rest, while playing an amazing amount of spider solitaire. Then December came and so did baby - I went through a small amount of hell with the epidural and the dural puncture headache and complications but eventually got through it. Episiotomy - ya, I had the mother of all! But despite those first torturous 2 weeks, I got through it and things did get better. The first 6 weeks went by so slow, I was so sleep deprived and so not feeling well. Eventually they passed and it got a little bit easier. We were lucky by 3 months baby was sleeping through the night and all the sudden everything changed. It was so much fun! The rest of the time flew by in a happy blur. It was amazing to see the world in such a new way and to experience these "firsts" all over again.
In reflection mode, I see how much happier I am having a beautiful baby boy. I realize just how precious life is and it's a gift we shouldn't take for granted. I know things are going to be really busy from here on in and who knows what the future holds for us, but I am really grateful for my time with my baby. That is something that is completely mine, and I will always have that.
First of all apologies for my lack of blogging. I am lazy - that is all I have to say about that.
Second, today is my last day of just me and the baby; who is starting to resemble a toddler more than a baby now. Sigh. I can't believe it has been a year since I have been at work. I had a horrible pregnancy and ended up leaving a month early to try to stay alive. That, plus vacation has allowed the hubby his taste at a parental leave now. Today is his last day of work and my last day with baby alone. As of tomorrow we team up for 2 weeks and then after that I am back at work. Sometimes when I think about that, I picture a 2 year old Danielle kicking and screaming "I don't wanna go" as my mother drags me out of the store. This is exactly how I feel. I don't want to go...
Sigh. But I have to, I am still holding out for that elusive 25 hours a week job, but until then I have to work and I am actually very lucky to be working. I know many who are without jobs, so I must be thankful. So instead of whining (one of my best skills) I am going to reflect on this year.
I started out on a sick leave for a month before baby was born. I had an awful pregnancy and the end was torture. I spent most of November trying to unsuccessfully rest, while playing an amazing amount of spider solitaire. Then December came and so did baby - I went through a small amount of hell with the epidural and the dural puncture headache and complications but eventually got through it. Episiotomy - ya, I had the mother of all! But despite those first torturous 2 weeks, I got through it and things did get better. The first 6 weeks went by so slow, I was so sleep deprived and so not feeling well. Eventually they passed and it got a little bit easier. We were lucky by 3 months baby was sleeping through the night and all the sudden everything changed. It was so much fun! The rest of the time flew by in a happy blur. It was amazing to see the world in such a new way and to experience these "firsts" all over again.
In reflection mode, I see how much happier I am having a beautiful baby boy. I realize just how precious life is and it's a gift we shouldn't take for granted. I know things are going to be really busy from here on in and who knows what the future holds for us, but I am really grateful for my time with my baby. That is something that is completely mine, and I will always have that.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Mom is ALWAYS watching
Baby and I went for a walk this morning which we usually do in the AM and on our walk I noticed something that was far too cute not to post about.
It was around the time school starts in the morning and a mother (which I know in the neighborhood) had let her daughter walk to school all by herself. Now the walk wasn't far - maybe 5 houses away but it was a matter of independence for the girl who was maybe about 6 or 7. The girl was so excited to walk to school all by herself like a big girl. You're probably wondering how do I know this? I spoke to her mom this morning - as she was hiding in a tree around the school making sure her daughter got there safe and sound. Now you may think this is too much, she just should have trusted things to work out but I thought it as a very endearing act. I probably would do the same.
After we chatted for a while I got to thinking - how many times have our own mothers or fathers have done the same. All these acts of independence for us - while secretly our mothers and fathers kept a hidden eye. I don't think it's a lack of trust and I don't mean that it happens at every occasion, but for these first times - our parents are there (and we have no idea). That's the point, we are experiencing independence - we have no idea we are being watched. The time we ride our bike by ourselves - we think we are all alone but mom is secretly watching out the bedroom window and dad is in the car a block away. Maybe not quite that extreme, but they are there and we don't know it. There is a commercial out there where there is a bunch of pictures of a child throughout the years and in the background is the mom - she is blurry or her head cut off or you just see a bit of her - not enough to notice outright but when you take a good look you see she is there. Now that I am a mom that commercial really gets to me. I never appreciated these things until now. My parents gave me the independence I needed - while giving me the support (which I didn't know was there). My mom and dad were always in the background - they were ALWAYS watching and for that I am grateful.
It was around the time school starts in the morning and a mother (which I know in the neighborhood) had let her daughter walk to school all by herself. Now the walk wasn't far - maybe 5 houses away but it was a matter of independence for the girl who was maybe about 6 or 7. The girl was so excited to walk to school all by herself like a big girl. You're probably wondering how do I know this? I spoke to her mom this morning - as she was hiding in a tree around the school making sure her daughter got there safe and sound. Now you may think this is too much, she just should have trusted things to work out but I thought it as a very endearing act. I probably would do the same.
After we chatted for a while I got to thinking - how many times have our own mothers or fathers have done the same. All these acts of independence for us - while secretly our mothers and fathers kept a hidden eye. I don't think it's a lack of trust and I don't mean that it happens at every occasion, but for these first times - our parents are there (and we have no idea). That's the point, we are experiencing independence - we have no idea we are being watched. The time we ride our bike by ourselves - we think we are all alone but mom is secretly watching out the bedroom window and dad is in the car a block away. Maybe not quite that extreme, but they are there and we don't know it. There is a commercial out there where there is a bunch of pictures of a child throughout the years and in the background is the mom - she is blurry or her head cut off or you just see a bit of her - not enough to notice outright but when you take a good look you see she is there. Now that I am a mom that commercial really gets to me. I never appreciated these things until now. My parents gave me the independence I needed - while giving me the support (which I didn't know was there). My mom and dad were always in the background - they were ALWAYS watching and for that I am grateful.
Monday, September 26, 2011
The countdown (reluctantly) begins
Sigh. Deep sigh. This week begins with a very big sigh as it signifies only 5 weeks left until I must return to work. Do I want to return? No (who does!?). Do I HAVE to return? Yes...
I have grappled with this time and time again. I really don't want to go back but I really have to, unless I win the lottery (which isn't really working for me right now). Financially, I must return - we have bills to pay. I crunched the numbers, I thought about it long and hard - I think I would really enjoy being a stay at home mom but it would be tight-too tight if we were just to live off of hubby's salary. This has tortured me for months now. Wanting to give my son everything that I never had in life, while still actually being IN his life. This is every working mom's paradox. We always want to give our children everything we never had - that being said, it comes with a price. I know being there for him is much more important but it is more complicated that I thought it would be. I weighed a lot of things, and even if we did it, even if we lived really tight I am not 100% sure that is the best for him. Don't get me wrong, I would give him the best care and we could socialize ourselves through various mommies groups; but, I do think he would be missing that independent socialization and learning he could get from daycare. I really do believe in daycare or home-care (providing it is good). I believe children need that interaction among other children their age to really help them grown and learn. The first 3 years of your life are the most important one's so if you are in an environment that constantly stimulates you and provides you with that social element - you are doing pretty well.
So then I landed on: okay I do want him in daycare or home-care daily for him to learn and grow on his own BUT I don't want him there for 9 hours a day. That just doesn't sit well with me. I have decided I want to provide a certain standard of living which allows me to still spend what I think is a significant amount of time with him. Eventually he will be in school from 9-3pm, so I would like a job where I could drop him off at school go to work and then pick him up at 3pm. So if I could start those hours now, that would be great.
So I guess I have landed on working part time. Great! But oh so complicated to actually pull off. It's hard to find those jobs (I am not the only mom out there looking for it). Ideally I would like to remain at the University working 25 hours per week, but as I have learned over the past 3 months, that is really hard to find. So I will keep searching, but I also have to be realistic that I will probably be heading back full time until I find that job.
You know what is really bothering me right now - our time is over. This was the only time in our lives where it was just him and me, it was our time together and I think I am just sad that it is over with. I know he is learning and growing independent of me, he has been since he left the womb but now he is entering this social world of his own apart from me. It is the next step in his journey of life. I knew this time had to eventually end, but just let me shed a little tear as I say this for the first (and many more to come) time: my little man is growing up.
I have grappled with this time and time again. I really don't want to go back but I really have to, unless I win the lottery (which isn't really working for me right now). Financially, I must return - we have bills to pay. I crunched the numbers, I thought about it long and hard - I think I would really enjoy being a stay at home mom but it would be tight-too tight if we were just to live off of hubby's salary. This has tortured me for months now. Wanting to give my son everything that I never had in life, while still actually being IN his life. This is every working mom's paradox. We always want to give our children everything we never had - that being said, it comes with a price. I know being there for him is much more important but it is more complicated that I thought it would be. I weighed a lot of things, and even if we did it, even if we lived really tight I am not 100% sure that is the best for him. Don't get me wrong, I would give him the best care and we could socialize ourselves through various mommies groups; but, I do think he would be missing that independent socialization and learning he could get from daycare. I really do believe in daycare or home-care (providing it is good). I believe children need that interaction among other children their age to really help them grown and learn. The first 3 years of your life are the most important one's so if you are in an environment that constantly stimulates you and provides you with that social element - you are doing pretty well.
So then I landed on: okay I do want him in daycare or home-care daily for him to learn and grow on his own BUT I don't want him there for 9 hours a day. That just doesn't sit well with me. I have decided I want to provide a certain standard of living which allows me to still spend what I think is a significant amount of time with him. Eventually he will be in school from 9-3pm, so I would like a job where I could drop him off at school go to work and then pick him up at 3pm. So if I could start those hours now, that would be great.
So I guess I have landed on working part time. Great! But oh so complicated to actually pull off. It's hard to find those jobs (I am not the only mom out there looking for it). Ideally I would like to remain at the University working 25 hours per week, but as I have learned over the past 3 months, that is really hard to find. So I will keep searching, but I also have to be realistic that I will probably be heading back full time until I find that job.
You know what is really bothering me right now - our time is over. This was the only time in our lives where it was just him and me, it was our time together and I think I am just sad that it is over with. I know he is learning and growing independent of me, he has been since he left the womb but now he is entering this social world of his own apart from me. It is the next step in his journey of life. I knew this time had to eventually end, but just let me shed a little tear as I say this for the first (and many more to come) time: my little man is growing up.
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